BIG BOOK PAGE 42
again. They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots. I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. I knew then. It was a crushing blow.
“Two of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous came to see me. They grinned, which I didn’t like so much, and then asked me if I thought myself alcoholic and if I were really licked this time. I had to concede both propositions. They piled on me heaps of evi- dence to the effect that an alcoholic mentality, such as I had exhibited in Washington, was a hopeless condi- tion. They cited cases out of their own experience by the dozen. This process snuffed out the last flicker of conviction that I could do the job myself.
“Then they outlined the spiritual answer and pro- gram of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully. Though I had been only a nominal churchman, their proposals were not, intellectually, hard to swallow. But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window. That was not easy. But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was re- lieved, as in fact it proved to be.
“Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual
principles would solve all my problems. I have since
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